Or at least what passes for victory in these parts.
I don't know why I didn't think of it before, but the solution to all the things that bothered me about my first Waitress #5 painting is to simply fold the offending two rows of boxes under and re-stretch the now significantly smaller canvas. Leaving (although this was created by the computer) us (you and I, dear reader) with this:
"Waitress #5 (torso."
Me? I'm feeling pretty fucking good. Ahhh, victory--I can't wait to tell my buddies at dinner tomorrow.